Oregon: Off the Beaten Path

Part of my family recently spent a weekend in the Wallowa Mountains, in the northeastern corner of the state. Stuck in Boston, I can only contemplate how I have never been to the Wallowas. Indeed, a proud native Oregonian, I have never been to many parts of the great state. Behold the richness of the American West: more majesty than we can experience in a lifetime.

In 2009, when we still lived in D.C., I dragged Jeff on a big tour of Oregon: the Columbia Gorge, Mt. Hood, Bend, the Willamette Valley wineries, and my favorite stretch of the Oregon Coast around Newport. These are like the state's golden oldies. But things got most interesting when we traveled (way) off the beaten path, down to a part of Oregon as new to me as it was to Jeff: Steens Mountain.

Steens Mountain and the Alvord Desert

"The Steens" sits in the southeastern corner of Oregon, a full day’s drive from anything resembling a town. There’s not much out there, once you pass Frenchglen (population: 12). The mountain is a long, jagged gash of rock in an otherwise flat landscape of sage brush and emptiness. To its east stretches the Alvord “Desert,” a bright white playa that is home to the mineral-rich Alvord Hot Springs. The hot springs are more surreal than substantive: a tiny tin shack in the middle of the flat playa, where campers come to bathe in the steaming water while watching the sun set over the Steens.

What does one do in "the Steens"? Hike (but beware the heat, and bring gallons of water). Contemplate existentialism. Camp on Bureau of Land Management territory (just about everything here is owned by the government). For those without camping equipment, the historic Frenchglen Hotel on the other side of the mountain provides quaint lodging and home-cooked meals. But you lose something of the extreme solitude and vastness of the landscape if you don't spend the night alone under the stars, surrounded by nothing in all directions.

Oregon is full of extreme and surreal beauty once you get away from the evergreens and rolling farmland. I can't vouch for all of these - like I said, there's still much of the state that I have never seen - but here's a partial list of Oregon's greatest natural treasures:

God Is in the Barren Places

Maui's famous road to Hana was everything I thought Hawaii would be: verdant rainforest, waterfalls, vistas of undulating coastline and azure ocean, bright tropical flowers and hidden swimming holes. 

Yes, that was nice. But it was the road that stretched beyond Hana that swept me off my feet. 

Here was the inverse of everything that had come before, a barren and empty land of rocky soil, the occasional windswept tree, and very little evidence of human presence other than the rutted road. There was almost no living thing out there - just gold, grey, brown, and sun-bleached stones. It was like I had eternity all to myself. 

Portland Sidetrips: To the Coast

Don't get your hopes up: The Oregon Coast will never be
this sunny for you. 

The first thing you should know about Oregon's western edge (and this is true even in the height of summer) is that it is the “coast” – not the “beach,” the “shore,” or the “sea.” You do not lay on a beach blanket or play in the surf. Instead, you admire the raw beauty of the coastline before heading indoors for some clam chowder.

The second thing you should know is that the entire shoreline is public - there is no such thing as a private beach in Oregon. You are entitled to wander wherever, whenever, you want. This also means that there are state parks up and down the coast where you can rent a yurt or cabin right next to the beach for $30 a night (b.y.o.bedding). 

The third thing you should know is that the coast is easy-peasy - just a day trip away from Portland (though I recommend a full weekend). If you head due west from Portland on Highway 26, you dead end into the coastal highway, Highway 101, in just under 1.5 hours. But where to go from there? Here are the highlights, from north to south.

#1 Very Best Day Trip

Mt. Hood from the air: a "real" mountain.

When we have out-of-town guests, our #1 very top pick for a day trip from Portland is not wine country, but the Columbia River Gorge and Mt. Hood. Natural beauty, sunnier weather, a plethora of outdoor activities, a "real" mountain – all an easy drive from Portland. It's a winner every time.

So hard do we push the Gorge/Hood loop, we compiled detailed instructions on the route for our wedding guests last year. The guests' consensus: two satisfied thumbs up. For posterity, then, the Maggie & Jeff Guide for the Best Day Trip Ever from PDX:

Part I: The Historic Highway and Vista House
Drive east on I-84 out of Portland for about 30 minutes until you reach Troutdale. Take the main Troutdale exit (Exit 17) and follow the signs for the historic highway: go straight through the first light and turn right at the second light past a big shopping center. After you clear the shopping area, take a left at the light and head down Troutdale’s main street. You are heading the right direction if you go under the arch that says “Troutdale” and past a bunch of new Old West-looking storefronts.

The highway first takes you across the Sandy River and then starts to climb up through fields. When it crests, you will get your first view of the Gorge. Shortly afterwards, the road passes around the Vista House. Get out here for some key photo ops.

Vista House (on the right): Gateway to the Gorge.

The highway – and the Vista House – were built during the Depression by the WPA. Before I-84 raced along the bottom of the Gorge, the old highway wound its way precariously along (and through) the cliffs. Only this stretch, from Troutdale to Multnomah Falls, is still open to car traffic.

Vista House itself is a charming little rest area situated at the mouth of the Gorge. It is aptly named: the start of the Gorge unfurls to the east in lush folds of cliffs and river. Once you have pictures of the vista, if you'd also like pictures of the vista that includes the Vista House, backtrack slightly up the highway to the prior lookout.

Part II: Waterfalls and Hiking
After the Vista House, you will pass a series of waterfalls: Latourell Falls, Sheperd's Dell, Bridal Veil Falls, Wahkeena Falls, and the biggie, Multnomah Falls, one of the tallest waterfalls in the western hemisphere (and a key Oregon photo op).

Sidetripping Sideways

One can day trip from Portland in any direction - my perennial favorites are to the west and the east (more on those to come). Most recently, however, we sidetripped sideways, an hour southwest of town, to the Willamette Valley wine country.

Oregon is no Napa; there are no fake chateaus here, or $400-a-plate restaurants. But we still have three critical assets: rolling vistas of vineyards and farmland; enough foot traffic for wineries to invest in pretty tasting rooms with regular hours; and decent wines (sorry, Virginia - it wasn't meant to be).

Putting a spring into my step:
my very first 10K.

Now, truth be told, we decided to spend the day in McMinnville - the population epicenter of Oregon's still-growing wine region - for entirely non-wine related reasons. I had found a small 10K race organized by a local school and decided it was time to cross item 16 off my list of life goals ("16. Run a 10K"). And we had a lovely gift certificate to a McMinnville restaurant only open for dinner. We figured we could fill the interim seven hours with the wine-related stuff.

The wine-related stuff

A friend once described her mixed feelings for New Orleans by explaining that it's where the South goes to get ugly. I sometimes feel that way about the wine region around McMinnville: at our first stop last Saturday, when it was just barely noon, we shared the tasting room with two bachelorette parties and a birthday party. An hour later, driving the winding country roads between vineyards, we passed a white stretch Hummer limousine that looked as out of place as rhinestones on a nun's wimple. 

Here's my understanding: if you are serious about wine (which we, frankly, are not), you would limit yourself to two, maybe three tastings in a day - at which point, your palette is spent. You should only need a few sips of each wine to evaluate it, and you likely want to spit out most of those sips so the alcohol doesn't fuzzy your senses. But that's not what people do, so it's no longer what the industry expects.

People go wine-tasting to get drunk. Tasting rooms thus charge, on average, $10 for a flight of one-ounce pours (which is a fair value, if you're actually drinking the wine). There is an expectation that you might visit half-a-dozen wineries in an afternoon. Indeed, small towns like Dundee and Carlton consist almost entirely of winery tasting rooms, so you could sample a dozen different wineries on foot in the course of a couple hours. Like a wine crawl. This is not my scene.

Moving Adventures: I'm a DMV Dropout

Once upon a time (a long time ago), I passed the Oregon DMV's driving test and got my very first driver's license.  This fact was good enough for the Commonwealth of Virginia, which simply exchanged my Oregon license for a Virginia one, no questions asked.  The Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the District of Columbia were similarly trusting of my driving skillz.  But the fact that I originally took my driving test in Oregon was not good enough, it turns out, for the State of Oregon.

I know for a fact (because I saw it) that I am still in the Oregon DMV's database, complete with a rather cherubic picture of me at 15. Regardless, when I went last week to get my shiny new Oregon driver's license, I was informed that I would have to re-take the knowledge portion of the driving test. All I had to do, they told me, was get 27 questions out of 35 right - not a big deal. Until I saw the questions.

Some of the questions are obvious: you should come to a full stop at a stop sign; don't wear headphones while driving; move over for emergency vehicles.

Some of them involve admittedly important information, like the legal limit for blood alcohol levels or that, at least in the wild west, you can turn left at a red light from a two-way street onto a one-way street (not that I would do this - but at least now I won't flip out if other people do).

But then there are questions like:

• Your car breaks down on the freeway. You can pull over to the side of the road and turn on your hazard lights if you can be seen from behind by what amount of distance? (Answer: 200 feet)
• What is the greatest cause of accidents involving motorcycles? (Answer: Turning left in front of an oncoming motorcycle)
• You are on a country road, following someone on horseback, and that person waves at you with their left arm. What does this mean? (Answer: I still have no frickin clue)
• You are behind a vehicle, like a tractor, with a slow-moving vehicle sign. What is the greatest speed such a vehicle is capable of achieving? (WARNING: The answer to this question is not in the Oregon driver's manual)

Needless to say, I failed.  When I reached the very last question, with 26 right and 7 wrong, I did not know that slow-moving vehicles can go - not 15 mph, not 25 mph - but 20 mph. To put this into perspective, I haven't failed a test since advanced algebra sophomore year of high school. I was, shall we say, discombobulated.

Long story short,* I retook the test the next day and passed. But it still smarts a little. 

I will say this, though, in the Oregon DMV's favor: I am grateful they allow you to proofread your personal information before they print out your license. This is a simple and obvious concept, yet for some reason it is not a standard practice at all state DMVs. It would have prevented me from having the wrong street address in Virginia, a misspelled middle name in Massachusetts, and the wrong birth date and gender in DC.

Thank you, Oregon DMV, for making me a woman again.

* As they say, "too late."